Do you feel like going on a little jog?
or do you feel like going on a little run?
If you feel so , let me know coz I am running , from now on, everyday, every night, every moment of my remaining existence, I am gonna run. It is going to be tiring to say the least but considering the tremendous benefits a run offers, I gues it'll be worth it.
We'll not be running from life or for life for that matter. We'll be running amidst life, with all those beuatiful spectacles of life spread around us, with a stream of all the laughs and tears of yester years, with all the picture frames hanging loosley on the sidewalk, watching us in our lonely pursuit.
We'll not be running for any reason but then we'll not be running without a reason also. The run... the sweat..the pain will be reasons in themselves. Each drop of sweat becoming the reason for the next drop of sweat to flow, each tired step becoming reason for the next step and each painful thought becoming a reason for the next laugh.
We'll run hard, we'll stretch ourselves to the limits.... yes there will be times when we'll feel tired, when we'll feel like going back to where it did not start or ending it there and then. But we shall not give up for this run is not a part of life, its the life itself. And stopping midway means ending the life which you and I may not entirely want to do...atleast at this point of time.
But yes, there'll be times when we'll have that strange feeling... when we'll feel like .... like I do not know like what. But I am sure we'll able to make out when are we feeling like "that" coz the pain on the face will testify for itself. That will be the time when we'll take a break, when we'll shut ourselves in a room, throw off the running shoes, hold a candle close to eyes and look for that single moment of truth to break the silence of darkness.
and then we'll get up and we'll run again, for this run, as I said earlier, is not a part of life...its life itself.
I know no one is ever going to read whatever I have written here. And actually this is doubly sad as it is my last post ever on a blog. It feels as if after 20 years of test cricket you are retiring among empty stands a sullen silence.
but never mind, things go wrong and then they go wrong again and they keep going wrong till they cant go wrong one more time.... and then..... and then they go wrong again.
But we shall not worry about it... coz we've a long run to worry about... a long and lonely run where in words of a good friend " better things wait for us... things we were born to do". I just wish this run wasnt so lonely but I guess this is what I have to offer. take it or leave it. your call.
to : rohit
from: your shadow
Friday, December 29, 2006
Sunday, October 08, 2006
yeh kaisa shahar hai
Long after having decided that s/w jobs is for lower mortals and I deserve something "better", these days I truly feel like questioning my decision. After spending 1.5 years at this place, suddenly the urge to get out is getting over me, time and again these days. Somehow when I raise my head from the obnoxious food in the mess, I see an array of faces, blurred by my unwillingness to recognise them. In the insti party we all jump and dance and drink apparently to enjoy life but its merely a way to run from our fears, our sorrows in life and shake away the ghosts of past from our brains.
This place has taken away a lot from me, as a person. It has been a transformation of sorts. It has given me things too but it has sucked up things which were far more preciouos to me. It has told me how to procrastinate things, how to manipulate ppl, how to free ride, how to cut ppl to size and other "managerial" qualitites. I guess life in engg days was much better with ppl around who understood you, cared for you and willing to go to any distance for friends. The camaraderie of engg days is simply missing in this life. Ppl are just to engaged in their own lives to bother about anyone else. Me, I and myself..anyone ?
I guess I am slowly becoming a type II error in the system, a bug who cant be removed and who refuses to lay quiet. At times it feels like the matrix, we all are doing things we really do not know why we are doing, as if being guided by an invisible leash. There are some 40 odd ppl on y Gtalk and there are times when I desperately want to talk to ppl, to buzz them and say hi ... but on those occasions more often than not I really do not find anyone to talk to... I guess we all have become too busy with our lives.. OUR lives and we really do not care that there is a person who might want to talk to me to kill time. I have seen next door neighbours unlocking their rooms at the same time without saying a word to eachother. ppl like SA, one of the most modest and hard working fellas I have met in this life , find themselves unwanted and out of place here. The place is just to professional it seems.
I guess fault is mine, I am trying to look for friends in a "Professional" college where everyone is looking just for a professional relationship. MT is right, "this place doesnt deserve your emotions, save them for your funeral".
I always wanted to change accordingly but sadly I couldnt which brings even more pain to me. At times I feel like running away from this place but alas thats not possible. So i'll have to wait till march when I walk out of this place finally, for good.
Seene mein jalan aankhon mein toofan sa kyun hai
Is shahar mein har shakas pareshaan sa kyun hai
rohit
This place has taken away a lot from me, as a person. It has been a transformation of sorts. It has given me things too but it has sucked up things which were far more preciouos to me. It has told me how to procrastinate things, how to manipulate ppl, how to free ride, how to cut ppl to size and other "managerial" qualitites. I guess life in engg days was much better with ppl around who understood you, cared for you and willing to go to any distance for friends. The camaraderie of engg days is simply missing in this life. Ppl are just to engaged in their own lives to bother about anyone else. Me, I and myself..anyone ?
I guess I am slowly becoming a type II error in the system, a bug who cant be removed and who refuses to lay quiet. At times it feels like the matrix, we all are doing things we really do not know why we are doing, as if being guided by an invisible leash. There are some 40 odd ppl on y Gtalk and there are times when I desperately want to talk to ppl, to buzz them and say hi ... but on those occasions more often than not I really do not find anyone to talk to... I guess we all have become too busy with our lives.. OUR lives and we really do not care that there is a person who might want to talk to me to kill time. I have seen next door neighbours unlocking their rooms at the same time without saying a word to eachother. ppl like SA, one of the most modest and hard working fellas I have met in this life , find themselves unwanted and out of place here. The place is just to professional it seems.
I guess fault is mine, I am trying to look for friends in a "Professional" college where everyone is looking just for a professional relationship. MT is right, "this place doesnt deserve your emotions, save them for your funeral".
I always wanted to change accordingly but sadly I couldnt which brings even more pain to me. At times I feel like running away from this place but alas thats not possible. So i'll have to wait till march when I walk out of this place finally, for good.
Seene mein jalan aankhon mein toofan sa kyun hai
Is shahar mein har shakas pareshaan sa kyun hai
rohit
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
H.E.R.O.
Some people assume greatenss and greatness is thurst upon sime people while they are in bathroom - Wonder years
Across all geograhpies, across all races, all nationalities there are few traits which run like a thread holding the pearls. one of them is the human desire to look for heroes. We find ppl whom we can look upto, for gudiance, for courage, for inspiration and also for anecdotes to read before bedtime. We all love to have our heroes.
And then some ppl become heroes because of their own actions. and some ppl become heroes because of other ppl's acts. and still other ppl become heroes because of our acts. When I feel Mahatma Gandhi is losing out appeal as a hero I move over to Sachin Tendulkar. Earlier I liked Bhagat Singh, today I like manjunaath. Times change, circumstances change, ideals which drive the world chane and so do ppl's preferences for heroes also change. But looking back , all of those ppl whom we look for inspiration when lying flat on the bed, watching the fan dissolve air currents into the gloomy room, they all remain deeply etched in our memories. they make us believe that something is still correct with this world, something is still there which can hold the world together, something... something which is stronger than all the hatred in the air.
But you need not do something extraordinary to be a hero. Commom men, doing their daily chores, truthfully and honestly can all someday be classified as heroes. Of course they wont get their names splashed across TOI or Aaj taks. But then as a hero you dont really need that. No amount of external gratification can drive a person, it just comes from within.
Ppl spend entire lifetimes after causes which appear lost, which appear impossible, beyond the reach of mere mortals. Still those mere mortals rise up, beyond their own selfish motives, beyond their own immediate needs, beyond their own riches just to see a smile on the face of person standing in front of them.
I wish I too had done something good in life, something extra, gone that extra mile, maybe just to help a friend only. But sadly it seems Heroism and me myslef remain to distant ends of a colourful rainbow. But I am sure, before I die (assuming I dont die atleast till 35 years old), Ill do that extra bit to give something back to those ppl who actually have nothing. or atleast do that extra bit to wipe off a tear from a friend's face... that wont be a bad thing for a hero to do, is it?
BTW just for the record, 2 of my very good friends N and D have got a wonderful opportunity to work on a rural education programme sposnored by a aVC. My heartiest congrats to both of them, especially N, someone who it seems is set to prove what others dont belive in. I constantly keep pulling his leg for working for the poor, "tu garibi nahin garib hatayega be", "humlog kal se garibon ki tarah neeche baithhenge" and what not. Ppl think I am a bit insensitive to this sensitivie issue. But the best part is as always I dont think I need to be talk in a serious gloomy tone about some issue just because it is perceived to be a serious one. And coming from where I have, I can always relate to what this guy is doing, relate better than many of ppl on campus. just that I feel that "har baar kuchh bolne ke liye kuchh bolna zaroori nahin hota".
I wish both N and D ATB for their quest. Maybe someday we'll indeed see a guy from R3 or R4 rising up to become a HERO. Till then we all can just wait and wish for it to happen.
Across all geograhpies, across all races, all nationalities there are few traits which run like a thread holding the pearls. one of them is the human desire to look for heroes. We find ppl whom we can look upto, for gudiance, for courage, for inspiration and also for anecdotes to read before bedtime. We all love to have our heroes.
And then some ppl become heroes because of their own actions. and some ppl become heroes because of other ppl's acts. and still other ppl become heroes because of our acts. When I feel Mahatma Gandhi is losing out appeal as a hero I move over to Sachin Tendulkar. Earlier I liked Bhagat Singh, today I like manjunaath. Times change, circumstances change, ideals which drive the world chane and so do ppl's preferences for heroes also change. But looking back , all of those ppl whom we look for inspiration when lying flat on the bed, watching the fan dissolve air currents into the gloomy room, they all remain deeply etched in our memories. they make us believe that something is still correct with this world, something is still there which can hold the world together, something... something which is stronger than all the hatred in the air.
But you need not do something extraordinary to be a hero. Commom men, doing their daily chores, truthfully and honestly can all someday be classified as heroes. Of course they wont get their names splashed across TOI or Aaj taks. But then as a hero you dont really need that. No amount of external gratification can drive a person, it just comes from within.
Ppl spend entire lifetimes after causes which appear lost, which appear impossible, beyond the reach of mere mortals. Still those mere mortals rise up, beyond their own selfish motives, beyond their own immediate needs, beyond their own riches just to see a smile on the face of person standing in front of them.
I wish I too had done something good in life, something extra, gone that extra mile, maybe just to help a friend only. But sadly it seems Heroism and me myslef remain to distant ends of a colourful rainbow. But I am sure, before I die (assuming I dont die atleast till 35 years old), Ill do that extra bit to give something back to those ppl who actually have nothing. or atleast do that extra bit to wipe off a tear from a friend's face... that wont be a bad thing for a hero to do, is it?
BTW just for the record, 2 of my very good friends N and D have got a wonderful opportunity to work on a rural education programme sposnored by a aVC. My heartiest congrats to both of them, especially N, someone who it seems is set to prove what others dont belive in. I constantly keep pulling his leg for working for the poor, "tu garibi nahin garib hatayega be", "humlog kal se garibon ki tarah neeche baithhenge" and what not. Ppl think I am a bit insensitive to this sensitivie issue. But the best part is as always I dont think I need to be talk in a serious gloomy tone about some issue just because it is perceived to be a serious one. And coming from where I have, I can always relate to what this guy is doing, relate better than many of ppl on campus. just that I feel that "har baar kuchh bolne ke liye kuchh bolna zaroori nahin hota".
I wish both N and D ATB for their quest. Maybe someday we'll indeed see a guy from R3 or R4 rising up to become a HERO. Till then we all can just wait and wish for it to happen.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
the Cinderella man
yesterday I saw a brilliant movie, The cinderella man. Russel crowe as an old worn out boxer who makes one of most remarkable come backs in the history of modern boxing. the movie was moving to say the least. Seeing the once great boxer surviving the great depression looking for work in docks was shaking in itself.
But I could relate to the movie at an altogether different level, at an emotional level.As I was just chatting with S about life and how most of the time (that is a subtle way of saying all of the time) I havent got what I have wished for, badly ! be it IIT D or IIM C or the gal I like(d) or HLL or for that matter anything else, I usually have to settle for 2nd or 3rd best. No cribbing about that as there are ppl who fare even worse than I do.
But these things have had a very different bearing on me as a person, something I can relate to the movie, one-on-one. I am no longer willing to accept failures. I hate them I detest them so strongly that I'll go to the last goddamn corner of earth to make sure I do not fail. The best shot in the movie was one when a boxer lands a super thud on crowe's face and his jaw cover flys out of his mouth. He is about to fall and then the snaps of his penurious existence (which'll contiune if he loses) flashes before his eyes. the shanty, the hungry kids, a tense wife, empty milk bottles, pile of non pain bills, long labour queues...everything which he hated. that pure hatred made him stand again and fight.
Something similar happens within me. ppl tell me I work hard on projects.... previous failures make me do that. I make up for lack of intellectual prowess by simply putting in more effort. Failures drive me hard. I hated myself to the bone when I came 10/10 in INDEX... I just couldn't lose it. ppl can vouch for the amount of effort I put in next proposal.
I guess it did not really began so late in my life...with failulres in IIT , or elsewhere. Not getting what you love is different. I think it began much earlier. Formative years you can say. Living in one room rented houses...seeing mom stretch hard to make the monthly budget stand.... watching dad do overtime to get to where he is today.... I think it began right then.... an effort to come out of that strata and move up ...way up in life.Something which drove crowe in the movie... a hatred to where he belonged. Somehow having seen poverty from very close quarters has changed somethign within me...Somehow sleeping in a one room rented house on the floor with just one fan in the month of June in Delhi doesnt sound much appealing does it.
On one hand I think it is good. I have learned how to fight for things in life... atleast on professional front if not on personal front...personal front still the same old story of losses is continuing... rather it never ended. I am still where I started from.
At times I feel I need to be at peace with myself. S says I just get too much worked up about things. I feel he is correct. Having lost most battles in life or shall I say some of the most important battles in your life does makes me different from some of the other guys who have done better in life so far. I still remeber mock Cats... getting 99 %ile was not enough... I needed to be there... right there with the toppers. and I did that..just that... cant fail in CAT after failing JEE.
I do not think even the ppl closest to me understand this... maybe they'll have to live my life and I'll have to live their's if I have to understand their perspective and they have to understand mine.But I guess that is difficult to happen, so maybe till that happens my blog will continue to be a bit eccentric.
rohit
But I could relate to the movie at an altogether different level, at an emotional level.As I was just chatting with S about life and how most of the time (that is a subtle way of saying all of the time) I havent got what I have wished for, badly ! be it IIT D or IIM C or the gal I like(d) or HLL or for that matter anything else, I usually have to settle for 2nd or 3rd best. No cribbing about that as there are ppl who fare even worse than I do.
But these things have had a very different bearing on me as a person, something I can relate to the movie, one-on-one. I am no longer willing to accept failures. I hate them I detest them so strongly that I'll go to the last goddamn corner of earth to make sure I do not fail. The best shot in the movie was one when a boxer lands a super thud on crowe's face and his jaw cover flys out of his mouth. He is about to fall and then the snaps of his penurious existence (which'll contiune if he loses) flashes before his eyes. the shanty, the hungry kids, a tense wife, empty milk bottles, pile of non pain bills, long labour queues...everything which he hated. that pure hatred made him stand again and fight.
Something similar happens within me. ppl tell me I work hard on projects.... previous failures make me do that. I make up for lack of intellectual prowess by simply putting in more effort. Failures drive me hard. I hated myself to the bone when I came 10/10 in INDEX... I just couldn't lose it. ppl can vouch for the amount of effort I put in next proposal.
I guess it did not really began so late in my life...with failulres in IIT , or elsewhere. Not getting what you love is different. I think it began much earlier. Formative years you can say. Living in one room rented houses...seeing mom stretch hard to make the monthly budget stand.... watching dad do overtime to get to where he is today.... I think it began right then.... an effort to come out of that strata and move up ...way up in life.Something which drove crowe in the movie... a hatred to where he belonged. Somehow having seen poverty from very close quarters has changed somethign within me...Somehow sleeping in a one room rented house on the floor with just one fan in the month of June in Delhi doesnt sound much appealing does it.
On one hand I think it is good. I have learned how to fight for things in life... atleast on professional front if not on personal front...personal front still the same old story of losses is continuing... rather it never ended. I am still where I started from.
At times I feel I need to be at peace with myself. S says I just get too much worked up about things. I feel he is correct. Having lost most battles in life or shall I say some of the most important battles in your life does makes me different from some of the other guys who have done better in life so far. I still remeber mock Cats... getting 99 %ile was not enough... I needed to be there... right there with the toppers. and I did that..just that... cant fail in CAT after failing JEE.
I do not think even the ppl closest to me understand this... maybe they'll have to live my life and I'll have to live their's if I have to understand their perspective and they have to understand mine.But I guess that is difficult to happen, so maybe till that happens my blog will continue to be a bit eccentric.
rohit
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
rebuilding character....brick by brick
Today was the day of ressurection. However minute it might seem to some, it meant something , to me, to my friends and to the team. Finally( although this was only the 3rd project, it seems as if we;ve been working on it since ages) our team got thru the proposal stage of INDEX, the market research fair of IIM L where we work on live projects. OK INDEX doesnt pay me for any publicity but still ;).
After some setbacks off late, this comes a wonderful refresher. And although I really dont want to end up sounding like an egotistic braggart, for once I'll say that like all the other proposals this one too had significant contributions on my part in form of night outs. And I know how bad it hurts when you are putting so much of effort behind something and you end up 10/10 that means 10th out of 10 teams. It hurt, it shook from within, may be like some other team members I wasnt very vocal about it but it pinched me whenever I turned on my side everynight while sleeping. But it seems for once things are in perspective and as Joel Backman proclaimed in The Broker (John grisham for the uninitiated) "go print it in bold in headlines, the broker is back in the city".
Working in a team has its own learnings. No I will not get into those handling HR issues, inter-personal skills and blah blah. You get to know the unsung heroes, the ppl who remain miserbaly quiet but are actually the smartest of the lot. You learn to work with ppl whom you absolutely detest, do not want to talk to and wish that he wasnt there then. You realise that the biggest roadblock for an IIM giy to be a part of teamis Ego and the greatest aid is patience. And of course inthe end you also realise how to behave "professionally" keeping work and perosnal, ethical, moral, social, economical and all those 'al' issues apart.
learning is a never ending process, more so at a place like Hell, where your next door neighbours are devils :). Some things , inspired loosely by the sun screen and with due credits, live and exclusive from hell:-
There'll be days when you'll be 1/10 and there will be days when you are 10/10. it is on those 1/10 days that you should not forget that not so long ago you were 10/10, helps a lot in keeping the egos at bay and feet on firmly on ground.
There'll be occassions when your friends will piss you off. Instead of cursing them think of all those occassions when you pissed them off.
Hold on to your friends. You'll realise their importance when you'll be alone on a beach on new year's brief.
(my favourite and from sunscreen) Dont be reckless with other people's hearts... dont out with those who are reckless with yours.
Do not , I repeat, do not allow people to take you for granted.
Do not thik to much about life or love or work or anything else. Things ususally fall into place and even if they do not , well thinking about them day and night will only contribute in form of added grey hair.
Be quick in saying sorry to your friends. But before that make sure you know who your friends are.
Carry some grudges. Do not allow them to fill you with feeling of revenge but do carry them.
Congratulate yourself when you win. Curse yourself when you lose. But do not over do either one of them, life is just so short for spending on these petty issues.
Remember one time when you were down and out, shaken by life. Remember one person who cared to ask how you are feeling. That person is your true friend. hold onto him. He'll be there .....always.
Remember last time when you shouted on a freind and the next morning he came to greet you with a wide smiled good morning. he is another one of those rare species of true friends.
If you live life on this paradigm "kisi ko kabhi itni importance na do , itna trust n karo, itna depend na ho jao ki uske kuch galat karne se tumhaara mood off ho sake", then well I am sorry, you are missing on a good part of life.
Eventually, quote from Z "we all are friends but before that we all are human beings and like all human beings we are supposed to make mistakes and like all friends we are supposed to forget and forgive them"
And last but not the least, do not listen to an insipid, inanae, deeply emotional blogger when he is doling out advices.
rohit
After some setbacks off late, this comes a wonderful refresher. And although I really dont want to end up sounding like an egotistic braggart, for once I'll say that like all the other proposals this one too had significant contributions on my part in form of night outs. And I know how bad it hurts when you are putting so much of effort behind something and you end up 10/10 that means 10th out of 10 teams. It hurt, it shook from within, may be like some other team members I wasnt very vocal about it but it pinched me whenever I turned on my side everynight while sleeping. But it seems for once things are in perspective and as Joel Backman proclaimed in The Broker (John grisham for the uninitiated) "go print it in bold in headlines, the broker is back in the city".
Working in a team has its own learnings. No I will not get into those handling HR issues, inter-personal skills and blah blah. You get to know the unsung heroes, the ppl who remain miserbaly quiet but are actually the smartest of the lot. You learn to work with ppl whom you absolutely detest, do not want to talk to and wish that he wasnt there then. You realise that the biggest roadblock for an IIM giy to be a part of teamis Ego and the greatest aid is patience. And of course inthe end you also realise how to behave "professionally" keeping work and perosnal, ethical, moral, social, economical and all those 'al' issues apart.
learning is a never ending process, more so at a place like Hell, where your next door neighbours are devils :). Some things , inspired loosely by the sun screen and with due credits, live and exclusive from hell:-
There'll be days when you'll be 1/10 and there will be days when you are 10/10. it is on those 1/10 days that you should not forget that not so long ago you were 10/10, helps a lot in keeping the egos at bay and feet on firmly on ground.
There'll be occassions when your friends will piss you off. Instead of cursing them think of all those occassions when you pissed them off.
Hold on to your friends. You'll realise their importance when you'll be alone on a beach on new year's brief.
(my favourite and from sunscreen) Dont be reckless with other people's hearts... dont out with those who are reckless with yours.
Do not , I repeat, do not allow people to take you for granted.
Do not thik to much about life or love or work or anything else. Things ususally fall into place and even if they do not , well thinking about them day and night will only contribute in form of added grey hair.
Be quick in saying sorry to your friends. But before that make sure you know who your friends are.
Carry some grudges. Do not allow them to fill you with feeling of revenge but do carry them.
Congratulate yourself when you win. Curse yourself when you lose. But do not over do either one of them, life is just so short for spending on these petty issues.
Remember one time when you were down and out, shaken by life. Remember one person who cared to ask how you are feeling. That person is your true friend. hold onto him. He'll be there .....always.
Remember last time when you shouted on a freind and the next morning he came to greet you with a wide smiled good morning. he is another one of those rare species of true friends.
If you live life on this paradigm "kisi ko kabhi itni importance na do , itna trust n karo, itna depend na ho jao ki uske kuch galat karne se tumhaara mood off ho sake", then well I am sorry, you are missing on a good part of life.
Eventually, quote from Z "we all are friends but before that we all are human beings and like all human beings we are supposed to make mistakes and like all friends we are supposed to forget and forgive them"
And last but not the least, do not listen to an insipid, inanae, deeply emotional blogger when he is doling out advices.
rohit
Monday, September 25, 2006
Telegram to self
Feel like running away Stop tired of everything stop everything stop need to stop worrying stop health not good stop lost faith in ppl stop lost control on temper stop T is right stop From today live for self Stop
In the background ozzy keeps singing....
Yesterday has been and gone
Tommorow will I find the sun
Or will it rain
Everybody's having fun
Except me, I'm the lonely one
I live in shame
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
I've been the king, I've been the clown
Now broken wings can't hold me down
I'm free again
The jester with the broken crown
It won't be me this time around
To love in vain
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
And I feel the time is right
Although I know that you just might say to me
What'cha gonna do
What'cha gonna do
But I have to take this chance goodbye
To friends and to romance
And to all of you
And to all of you
Come on now
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
And the weather's looking fine
And I think the sun will shine again
And I feel I've cleared my mind
All the past is left behind again
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
In the background ozzy keeps singing....
Yesterday has been and gone
Tommorow will I find the sun
Or will it rain
Everybody's having fun
Except me, I'm the lonely one
I live in shame
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
I've been the king, I've been the clown
Now broken wings can't hold me down
I'm free again
The jester with the broken crown
It won't be me this time around
To love in vain
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
And I feel the time is right
Although I know that you just might say to me
What'cha gonna do
What'cha gonna do
But I have to take this chance goodbye
To friends and to romance
And to all of you
And to all of you
Come on now
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
And the weather's looking fine
And I think the sun will shine again
And I feel I've cleared my mind
All the past is left behind again
I say goodbye to romance, yeah
Goodbye to friends, I tell you
Goodbye to all the past
I guess that we'll meet
We'll meet in the end
Thursday, September 21, 2006
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Last night I was thinking, if 4th term was busy, 5th term is well going to be worse. Although curricular matters are more relaxed in this term but I am trying to get my hands dirty in copetitions going around. Unfortunately with limited time at disposal already a few very good opportunities are gone and those where something did click...well I dint last long enough to end on the stage and then there have been coule of other failures as well so feeling , quite naturally a bit low.
It is during these times, when things are not quite going your way, you realise who your true friends are. Just an anecdote, last term had a tiff with a wonderful friend and our friendship was almost gone, for worse. Had it been engg days I would've gone to his room and had a heart to heart talk. But I guess there is something wrong in the air or water or sunshine at this place. It made me coccoon in my own ego and everything was almost lost. Then this term somehow things got better, largely because of his efforts. I dont think I ever said sorry to him. I do it now. Sorry.
If I've to recount one single moment of truth which'll distinguish friends from mere "know-him" in MBA , it is summer placements time. I've seen giants crashing under the huge weight of their own expectations during the process. Fortunately I was out of the process quite early but even then I could clearly see who was there with me and who wasnt. Now almost with 2/3rd in to the MBA, many ppl will claim to be your friend, some out a of need for some support system to survive, some to form project groups with you, some just to talk to you so that they get an opportunity to mock you and then there are n number of reasons for these friendships to be forged. And as I look at my "assumed" friends today, most of them werent there when I was sweating it out on Day 2, they were there for their "other" friends whom they needed then but not for me or for that matter other ppl who are now their close friends.
Times change, priorities change and so do needs. As we are told in marketing, with changing life styles of customers, their needs change. Nothing is truer than this statement. friendships (most of them and by no means all) at this place are born out of a need, a very "selfish" need. Ppl will suddenly become very good friend of yours when they realise that you actually fulfil some of their needs and same set of ppl wont bat an eye lid in dumping you when the need is fulfilled. or may be not paying atention to you when the need wasnt there.
Of all the relationships, friendship is one which is hurt most by selfishness. I agree that all of us are selfish in our own petty ways. We were conditioned since childhood to be like that and the ppl who try not be selfish are branded as fools and mocked. But then there is a limit to evrything. As zakhir said "we are freinds but we are also human beings and like human beings we are bound to make mistakes". Very true, cant be any more true. But just to add to his point. We all make mistakes. But good human beings (who are incidentally good friends as well) realise their mistakes, says sorry, kiss and make up. We all make mistakes, but you just cant go on making mistakes, one after the other and believe saying sorry will exonerate you of all your sins. The world doesnt run like that, not anymore.
I always felt that ppl whom I know are my friends, all of them. But certain incidents have made me believe now that only those ppl who stand by you thru thin, only those ppl who forgive and forget your mistakes, only those ppl who dont forge the relation to satiate their needs and only those ppl who are willing to stand by you till day 4 of summer placement process are you true friends. Not anyone else, whatever he or she may claim. Friendship is not a contract, not an obligation, not an "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" kind of relation... no not in my world atleast. For dealing with such ppl, one simple peice of advice:
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts....don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. --- baz luhrmann
rohit
It is during these times, when things are not quite going your way, you realise who your true friends are. Just an anecdote, last term had a tiff with a wonderful friend and our friendship was almost gone, for worse. Had it been engg days I would've gone to his room and had a heart to heart talk. But I guess there is something wrong in the air or water or sunshine at this place. It made me coccoon in my own ego and everything was almost lost. Then this term somehow things got better, largely because of his efforts. I dont think I ever said sorry to him. I do it now. Sorry.
If I've to recount one single moment of truth which'll distinguish friends from mere "know-him" in MBA , it is summer placements time. I've seen giants crashing under the huge weight of their own expectations during the process. Fortunately I was out of the process quite early but even then I could clearly see who was there with me and who wasnt. Now almost with 2/3rd in to the MBA, many ppl will claim to be your friend, some out a of need for some support system to survive, some to form project groups with you, some just to talk to you so that they get an opportunity to mock you and then there are n number of reasons for these friendships to be forged. And as I look at my "assumed" friends today, most of them werent there when I was sweating it out on Day 2, they were there for their "other" friends whom they needed then but not for me or for that matter other ppl who are now their close friends.
Times change, priorities change and so do needs. As we are told in marketing, with changing life styles of customers, their needs change. Nothing is truer than this statement. friendships (most of them and by no means all) at this place are born out of a need, a very "selfish" need. Ppl will suddenly become very good friend of yours when they realise that you actually fulfil some of their needs and same set of ppl wont bat an eye lid in dumping you when the need is fulfilled. or may be not paying atention to you when the need wasnt there.
Of all the relationships, friendship is one which is hurt most by selfishness. I agree that all of us are selfish in our own petty ways. We were conditioned since childhood to be like that and the ppl who try not be selfish are branded as fools and mocked. But then there is a limit to evrything. As zakhir said "we are freinds but we are also human beings and like human beings we are bound to make mistakes". Very true, cant be any more true. But just to add to his point. We all make mistakes. But good human beings (who are incidentally good friends as well) realise their mistakes, says sorry, kiss and make up. We all make mistakes, but you just cant go on making mistakes, one after the other and believe saying sorry will exonerate you of all your sins. The world doesnt run like that, not anymore.
I always felt that ppl whom I know are my friends, all of them. But certain incidents have made me believe now that only those ppl who stand by you thru thin, only those ppl who forgive and forget your mistakes, only those ppl who dont forge the relation to satiate their needs and only those ppl who are willing to stand by you till day 4 of summer placement process are you true friends. Not anyone else, whatever he or she may claim. Friendship is not a contract, not an obligation, not an "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" kind of relation... no not in my world atleast. For dealing with such ppl, one simple peice of advice:
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts....don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. --- baz luhrmann
rohit
Sunday, September 17, 2006
reasons
Most things we do or for that matter do not do in life seem to be reasonably correct, atleast when we delibrate and decide. Of course life is much easier in retrospect but then maybe looking back many if not most of the things I've done in life dont really seem to be bound or governed by any reason per se. Right from doing engg to idling time in college canteen to making friends to losing friends and then the Big Momma of all decisions, doing MBA, of course I've some reasons for these actions but then they are so intangible that calling them reasons might be a misnomer in itself.
In fact I think its the other way round most of the times. Its your life that governs the reasons and not vice versa. We get a brain wave, decide on doing something inane and then at the end of the day list down reasons for having done that thing in the very first place. The causality of actions is different from what it seems to be. I'll always have reasons for behaving in the way I behave once I've behaved that way.
But then there are certain things for which we do not have any reason. Neither before the action nor after. Some things which dont seem to warrant a reason, which happen as if an unseen hand is guiding us into doing them. There is always a strong urge not to do it, a yearning to break away and tell the other guy "Fuck Off, I wont do it for you". But then you hide the pain beneath a smile and do it. and on top of it feel utterly miserable about doing it but you do it nonetheless.
Maybe these are those behavioral aspects which you do not want to ascribe to any reason just to keep that lil amount of uncertainity in the largely mundane life. You delibrately keep some actions, some affairs, some paths free from the cobwebs of reasons maybe to appreciate their importance in your life or may be to get rid of some overriding guilt/pain or may be its that the emotions leading you onto those paths are so strong that they do not necessitate the need for any reason. As Nike says "just do it".
Talking about my own life as a case in point, most important decisions atleast ostensibly seem to have no reason behind them or should I say most important personal decisions. There are many a times when when I just want to back off, to yell out and say it is enough GOD, I've had my share of community service. But then I just stand there, wait for other ppl to fall a step behind (so that I am automatically a step ahead) do it queitly and then make an even quieter exit. I really have no reasons for beliveing that what I am doing is pleasing me as a human being or I am doing it for the fear of the heavens above, I just dont have nay reasons.
Ppl ask me, "how do you manage to be happy all the time?". my retort well all I do is "I manage to "look" happy all the time" and there is ahuge difference between the two which involves internalising lots of issues and queries towards life. Of course internalising comes at its own cost which result in a crash course of "anger management" coz when you internalise a lot, the issues all keep gathering like the lull before the storm, looking just for an opening to burst open and drench everyone. So anger management suddenly becomes important even for a notoriously calm guy like me. And again I really have no reasons why I am internalising so much. No reasons as to why some petty issues hit me where it hurts the most, no reasons as to why some serious issues really dont bother me, really no reasons.
may be 10 years dwon the line I'll find some reasons for all these actions. or even if I do not, I'll atleast ascribe some reasons so as to make myself believe that those actions were all calculated, mature ones. As I already said, life is always easier in retrospect. Alas we can not live it that way and again I really do not have any reason why?
God has his own reasons
I've mine
His reasons my destiny entwines
His orders my life defines
Voices within, tell its true
do it now for later you may rue
No reasons bound my decisions
No reasons stop His indiscretions
For His reasons my destiny entwines
God has his own reasons
and I've mine.
rohit
In fact I think its the other way round most of the times. Its your life that governs the reasons and not vice versa. We get a brain wave, decide on doing something inane and then at the end of the day list down reasons for having done that thing in the very first place. The causality of actions is different from what it seems to be. I'll always have reasons for behaving in the way I behave once I've behaved that way.
But then there are certain things for which we do not have any reason. Neither before the action nor after. Some things which dont seem to warrant a reason, which happen as if an unseen hand is guiding us into doing them. There is always a strong urge not to do it, a yearning to break away and tell the other guy "Fuck Off, I wont do it for you". But then you hide the pain beneath a smile and do it. and on top of it feel utterly miserable about doing it but you do it nonetheless.
Maybe these are those behavioral aspects which you do not want to ascribe to any reason just to keep that lil amount of uncertainity in the largely mundane life. You delibrately keep some actions, some affairs, some paths free from the cobwebs of reasons maybe to appreciate their importance in your life or may be to get rid of some overriding guilt/pain or may be its that the emotions leading you onto those paths are so strong that they do not necessitate the need for any reason. As Nike says "just do it".
Talking about my own life as a case in point, most important decisions atleast ostensibly seem to have no reason behind them or should I say most important personal decisions. There are many a times when when I just want to back off, to yell out and say it is enough GOD, I've had my share of community service. But then I just stand there, wait for other ppl to fall a step behind (so that I am automatically a step ahead) do it queitly and then make an even quieter exit. I really have no reasons for beliveing that what I am doing is pleasing me as a human being or I am doing it for the fear of the heavens above, I just dont have nay reasons.
Ppl ask me, "how do you manage to be happy all the time?". my retort well all I do is "I manage to "look" happy all the time" and there is ahuge difference between the two which involves internalising lots of issues and queries towards life. Of course internalising comes at its own cost which result in a crash course of "anger management" coz when you internalise a lot, the issues all keep gathering like the lull before the storm, looking just for an opening to burst open and drench everyone. So anger management suddenly becomes important even for a notoriously calm guy like me. And again I really have no reasons why I am internalising so much. No reasons as to why some petty issues hit me where it hurts the most, no reasons as to why some serious issues really dont bother me, really no reasons.
may be 10 years dwon the line I'll find some reasons for all these actions. or even if I do not, I'll atleast ascribe some reasons so as to make myself believe that those actions were all calculated, mature ones. As I already said, life is always easier in retrospect. Alas we can not live it that way and again I really do not have any reason why?
God has his own reasons
I've mine
His reasons my destiny entwines
His orders my life defines
Voices within, tell its true
do it now for later you may rue
No reasons bound my decisions
No reasons stop His indiscretions
For His reasons my destiny entwines
God has his own reasons
and I've mine.
rohit
Saturday, September 16, 2006
the race
Till date I started preparing for CAT, i believed that not reading business magazines saves you of lots of headache. Then came CAT and to maintain the "conformity" of the rituals attached with the preparation process, I too delved my nose deep into the coloured pages of the Business worlds and Business Todays. Today almost 2/3rd through my MBA, at times I still feel that not reading business magazines is a bliss.
Thanks to booming economy (debatable topic but to accept conventional wisdom for once) and globalisation and blah and blah, I can see lots of 40 odd year old very successful faces on these pages who have made real name, fame and of course money at a relatively younger age (as far as business is concerned).
That sets me thinking, were these 40 year old ppl really aware of the fact that they are going to be so mighty successful when they were say, my age or for that matter your age? Did they know what they want to do in life ? Did they have answers to those beautifully mundane questions asked commonly in MBA interviews "Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?". I realy dont know coz I of course have never met these ppl and the ppl who actually meet these ppl never ask them about it. But I've a hunch.
I've a hunch that probably they didnt know where they'll be "10 years from now" when they were my age. On second thoughts they prolly didnt even know where they'll be "5 years from now" when they were my age. No real "Market research" to prove it but then gut feeling cant really be downplayed especially a trying-to-be-marketeer's gyt feeling.
One of the reasons however not a substantial one is that I myself do not know where I'll be N years down the line. And I bet not many ppl here know likewise. And we are talking about some of the best and most focused brains in the country.
If everything goes well in 10 years I can be CEO of a company, if everything doesnt go well I could be dead by 10 years or if everything goes as-it-is, I'll be well fooling ppl into believeing that their life is a vacuum without the product my comapny makes. I'll obviously want the frist thing to happen, but How is a big question.
Maybe by running faster than others in the race to achieve the unknown and the inevitable. By taking a shorter route, may be by taking a lifet from someone, may be by gaining an early lead over others or may be by forcing a late burst. Effectively , by doing something better than most ppl around me. Then that option of everything-goes-well might happen.
You have to be at an IIM to realise what a race means. Starting from the early morning runs to the lectures to the end of the days placement runs, we are more "running" the life than living it. Not that I am cribbing, atleast my athletic instincts arent.
We all are trying to outperform the others here. Only problem is everyone else is also trying to outperform us. Be it summers, grades, assignments, numerous B School cometitions, final placements et al, we all are running "ostensibly" with eachother but towards our separate goals and with our separate motives.
Going thru these races like rituals does take a toll physically and more so emotionally. But then after so many years of running and doing reasonably well in the "championship" as a whole if not each race individually, I've realised some very important lessons.
Firstly, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. it is days when you are behind that will differentiate you from the mere mortals. Secondly, again, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. But at the end of the day you are running only with yourself and with no body other. Reiterating the "golden words" again, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. It is on days when you are behind you'll come to know who your true friends are. Assertiveness will push you ahead in the race, arrogance will push you back and assertiveness with modesty will ultimately propel you to the tape. And lastly, it is very easy to congratulate yourself magnanimously after each victory or to tear your character apart after every loss. but its not doing either of them is what separates men from boys.
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. - scott peck
rohit
Thanks to booming economy (debatable topic but to accept conventional wisdom for once) and globalisation and blah and blah, I can see lots of 40 odd year old very successful faces on these pages who have made real name, fame and of course money at a relatively younger age (as far as business is concerned).
That sets me thinking, were these 40 year old ppl really aware of the fact that they are going to be so mighty successful when they were say, my age or for that matter your age? Did they know what they want to do in life ? Did they have answers to those beautifully mundane questions asked commonly in MBA interviews "Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?". I realy dont know coz I of course have never met these ppl and the ppl who actually meet these ppl never ask them about it. But I've a hunch.
I've a hunch that probably they didnt know where they'll be "10 years from now" when they were my age. On second thoughts they prolly didnt even know where they'll be "5 years from now" when they were my age. No real "Market research" to prove it but then gut feeling cant really be downplayed especially a trying-to-be-marketeer's gyt feeling.
One of the reasons however not a substantial one is that I myself do not know where I'll be N years down the line. And I bet not many ppl here know likewise. And we are talking about some of the best and most focused brains in the country.
If everything goes well in 10 years I can be CEO of a company, if everything doesnt go well I could be dead by 10 years or if everything goes as-it-is, I'll be well fooling ppl into believeing that their life is a vacuum without the product my comapny makes. I'll obviously want the frist thing to happen, but How is a big question.
Maybe by running faster than others in the race to achieve the unknown and the inevitable. By taking a shorter route, may be by taking a lifet from someone, may be by gaining an early lead over others or may be by forcing a late burst. Effectively , by doing something better than most ppl around me. Then that option of everything-goes-well might happen.
You have to be at an IIM to realise what a race means. Starting from the early morning runs to the lectures to the end of the days placement runs, we are more "running" the life than living it. Not that I am cribbing, atleast my athletic instincts arent.
We all are trying to outperform the others here. Only problem is everyone else is also trying to outperform us. Be it summers, grades, assignments, numerous B School cometitions, final placements et al, we all are running "ostensibly" with eachother but towards our separate goals and with our separate motives.
Going thru these races like rituals does take a toll physically and more so emotionally. But then after so many years of running and doing reasonably well in the "championship" as a whole if not each race individually, I've realised some very important lessons.
Firstly, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. it is days when you are behind that will differentiate you from the mere mortals. Secondly, again, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. But at the end of the day you are running only with yourself and with no body other. Reiterating the "golden words" again, there will be days when you'll be ahead, there'll be days when you are behind. It is on days when you are behind you'll come to know who your true friends are. Assertiveness will push you ahead in the race, arrogance will push you back and assertiveness with modesty will ultimately propel you to the tape. And lastly, it is very easy to congratulate yourself magnanimously after each victory or to tear your character apart after every loss. but its not doing either of them is what separates men from boys.
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. - scott peck
rohit
Friday, September 08, 2006
drawing lines
Back at home life seems to be different. It is as if you've made a transition to a whole new universe where there are hours at your disposal to waste, TV with 100 + channels to surf, couch to laze around and fridge full of chocolates. Life seems so very simple at home.... as I always wish it is.
The train journey back home was as peaceful and sober as Mumbai Central.... courtesy two lil noisy gals in the coach. I dunno how these lil kids manage to have a voice box which is twice their size. Maybe GOD just want to have his share of fun, watching us cover our ears in despair. I can even see HIM giggling on the helpless looks on our faces when we've the close encounters of the "dangerous" kinds with these lil devils. So as you can guess, all and any attempts to catch an eyeful of sleep were bad;y and mercilessly quashed by those two devils, shouting warcries as if raging their own battle against the rest of the world.
That reminds me of our own battles we are fighting against the world. Of course all of us have a different definition of the world. An american will say world extends from Atlantic on east to pacific on west, a kid will say world ends where her school's playground ends and an MBA like me...well... curse our wretched education system for that knows that world is all this and much more.
Everyone of us at almost all the time seem to be constantly on move against the world (the only time we arent are in the mornings when we are getting our bowels cleared). Be it moving against the traffic or against the whims of the profs or the rudeness of your boy/girl friend or even against the vagaries of the dial up connection, it seems the life is just always eyeball to eyeball with the world.. two of them always at odds with eachother.Like every problem every battle also has its own solution. Some end in round tables others well end in round holes through the bodies. But alas this one doesnt seem to have a soultion... atleast to me. As I was discussing with a dear friend on train. I remarked that we face problems in life coz we try to control it which is not possible. She quipped back saying but you just cant always stand by watching things happening on their own. err... well I ended discssion by saying that it all boils down to where we draw the line. Now this is just another of those wondeful phrases they teach you in MBA to be used whnever you get you head stuck in the blender... "we need to know where we should draw the line".In reality though the line is just a broken sequence of dots. Each imprinetd on our lives on their own with little or no correlation with the others, yet somehow they seem to make sense when viewed in totality. May be this is actually the solution to the "battling against the world" problem. dotting your life red, blue and black and then retospecting for all of them to make sense.As I look back on my life today all those tiny little red dots (e.g. when I got a D in english grammar in std 3rd), all those little blue dots (e.g. when I was punched in right eye by a bully in std 4th) and those numerous obscure black dots (e.g. me deleting my good old blogs without a backup) do seem to make some sense although I must say not a lot of sense anyway.
But keeping these dots and lines and life apart, I think for the time being I'll allow myself to flow with the tide (of course on a shiny cool surf board) and see where does life drop me. In last few weeks I've tried to change myself according to ppl's expectations. I think I did succeed to some extenet but at my own cost. In the end I realised that I need to draw a line between who I am and who ppl want me to be and believe me it always gives greatest pleasure just to be what you are.
"you can not change the way you fundamentally are." ---parting lines by my guide @ ColPal.
rohit
The train journey back home was as peaceful and sober as Mumbai Central.... courtesy two lil noisy gals in the coach. I dunno how these lil kids manage to have a voice box which is twice their size. Maybe GOD just want to have his share of fun, watching us cover our ears in despair. I can even see HIM giggling on the helpless looks on our faces when we've the close encounters of the "dangerous" kinds with these lil devils. So as you can guess, all and any attempts to catch an eyeful of sleep were bad;y and mercilessly quashed by those two devils, shouting warcries as if raging their own battle against the rest of the world.
That reminds me of our own battles we are fighting against the world. Of course all of us have a different definition of the world. An american will say world extends from Atlantic on east to pacific on west, a kid will say world ends where her school's playground ends and an MBA like me...well... curse our wretched education system for that knows that world is all this and much more.
Everyone of us at almost all the time seem to be constantly on move against the world (the only time we arent are in the mornings when we are getting our bowels cleared). Be it moving against the traffic or against the whims of the profs or the rudeness of your boy/girl friend or even against the vagaries of the dial up connection, it seems the life is just always eyeball to eyeball with the world.. two of them always at odds with eachother.Like every problem every battle also has its own solution. Some end in round tables others well end in round holes through the bodies. But alas this one doesnt seem to have a soultion... atleast to me. As I was discussing with a dear friend on train. I remarked that we face problems in life coz we try to control it which is not possible. She quipped back saying but you just cant always stand by watching things happening on their own. err... well I ended discssion by saying that it all boils down to where we draw the line. Now this is just another of those wondeful phrases they teach you in MBA to be used whnever you get you head stuck in the blender... "we need to know where we should draw the line".In reality though the line is just a broken sequence of dots. Each imprinetd on our lives on their own with little or no correlation with the others, yet somehow they seem to make sense when viewed in totality. May be this is actually the solution to the "battling against the world" problem. dotting your life red, blue and black and then retospecting for all of them to make sense.As I look back on my life today all those tiny little red dots (e.g. when I got a D in english grammar in std 3rd), all those little blue dots (e.g. when I was punched in right eye by a bully in std 4th) and those numerous obscure black dots (e.g. me deleting my good old blogs without a backup) do seem to make some sense although I must say not a lot of sense anyway.
But keeping these dots and lines and life apart, I think for the time being I'll allow myself to flow with the tide (of course on a shiny cool surf board) and see where does life drop me. In last few weeks I've tried to change myself according to ppl's expectations. I think I did succeed to some extenet but at my own cost. In the end I realised that I need to draw a line between who I am and who ppl want me to be and believe me it always gives greatest pleasure just to be what you are.
"you can not change the way you fundamentally are." ---parting lines by my guide @ ColPal.
rohit
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Rebuilding character....
What do you do when you are lying on the bed, trying desperately hard to sleep after an exam-anathon, after a heartening pizza party and after 3 back to back episodes of Woner years and suddenly a tear drop develops on the outer corner of your left eye? .... you think... you think that theres something which is weighing on your mind, something that you didnt want to do but did just to "prove your point" or may be "not to prove any point".
After deleting my last blog or rather last 2 blogs, I felt that I've seen the end of blogging. But there are somethings in life you cant change. Your character is one of them.
Not that I regret deleting my blog ... neither am I firing gun shots to celebrate by bravery for having done so. just that I feel that it is just in my character to blog, as it is in my character to speak, as it is in my character to crib, as it is in my character to be emotional, as it is in my character to question the very usefulness of all the gibberish being thrown at us and as it is in my character to hate coupling and love Wonder Years.
I think I was trying to do something severly "uncharcteristic" by not blogging. And I think I actually did something equally uncharacteristic by stopping to post on my earlier blog and starting a new one. That I deleted both of them is a different story altogether. The second blog (which also stands deleted now) was an attempt a rather humble one though towards more "meaningful" blogging. You know...ppl writing about problems plaging the world, the macroeconomic trends affecting business cycles, Bush bombing Iraq, politicans screwing India and stuff. Some of this attempt can also be attributed to the fact that beiing an MBA makes you feel that it is now your holy duty to enlighten the world about itself. Tonight as that small tear drop developed into a slightly larger one I realised that there'll always be blogger talking about economics, bloggers talking about wars, bloggers talking about politics but that doesnt stop me from talking about what I feel like talking. The very act of trying to talk in other ppl's parlance was well... uncharacteristic.
I think I just over reacted to what other ppl think of me and of course my late blogs. For once this over reaction part is highly characteristic of mine.
In any case without cauisng any further delays, I think I'll get back to work from now on. I've got a good long vaccation coming up when I'll put all the links back and try to put some more "meaningful" links as well this time.
On parting notes, there are ppl who play soccer, there are ppl who do politics, there are ppl who play war craft, there are ppl who read business word and then there are ppl llike me who chose to blog over all these activities.
see you around
stay beautiful
rohit
After deleting my last blog or rather last 2 blogs, I felt that I've seen the end of blogging. But there are somethings in life you cant change. Your character is one of them.
Not that I regret deleting my blog ... neither am I firing gun shots to celebrate by bravery for having done so. just that I feel that it is just in my character to blog, as it is in my character to speak, as it is in my character to crib, as it is in my character to be emotional, as it is in my character to question the very usefulness of all the gibberish being thrown at us and as it is in my character to hate coupling and love Wonder Years.
I think I was trying to do something severly "uncharcteristic" by not blogging. And I think I actually did something equally uncharacteristic by stopping to post on my earlier blog and starting a new one. That I deleted both of them is a different story altogether. The second blog (which also stands deleted now) was an attempt a rather humble one though towards more "meaningful" blogging. You know...ppl writing about problems plaging the world, the macroeconomic trends affecting business cycles, Bush bombing Iraq, politicans screwing India and stuff. Some of this attempt can also be attributed to the fact that beiing an MBA makes you feel that it is now your holy duty to enlighten the world about itself. Tonight as that small tear drop developed into a slightly larger one I realised that there'll always be blogger talking about economics, bloggers talking about wars, bloggers talking about politics but that doesnt stop me from talking about what I feel like talking. The very act of trying to talk in other ppl's parlance was well... uncharacteristic.
I think I just over reacted to what other ppl think of me and of course my late blogs. For once this over reaction part is highly characteristic of mine.
In any case without cauisng any further delays, I think I'll get back to work from now on. I've got a good long vaccation coming up when I'll put all the links back and try to put some more "meaningful" links as well this time.
On parting notes, there are ppl who play soccer, there are ppl who do politics, there are ppl who play war craft, there are ppl who read business word and then there are ppl llike me who chose to blog over all these activities.
see you around
stay beautiful
rohit
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